Zen.


This is going to make a lot of my friends unhappy, or at least they will disagree, but it is time to accept the facts.

The truth about my life:

I’m in my mid- late twenties, I have a decent job which I don’t totally hate, I live with my sister and her family which most of the time is pretty cool, I have a somewhat annoying, if endearing, personality, I’m not really pretty unless I’m really really trying, I have a big amount of debt, & I am moderately talented but completely unfocused and unconnected.

I’m not a kid anymore. My dreams are not coming true. I’m not going to find prince charming, or live in NYC, or become a world-traveling photographer.

So, faced with the reality of my life I have a few choices.

a) I can keep resisting, keep pushing, keep walking against the wind with absolutely no guarantees that it will change anything, always facing the disappointment of my failures.

b) I can become bitter and resent the world for not giving me what I think it should, what I think I deserve. I can become full of sadness and self-doubt and blame God, and myself, and everyone else too.

Or…

c) I can be Zen. I can accept the reality of my life, of who I am, of who I will never be. I can cultivate gratefulness and peace in my life as it is, without demanding more of myself, of others, of the universe. I can essentially live in the moment, though the moment won’t be epic or even important, it will be accepted, and it will carry me from one moment to the next. I can keep doing things I’m passionate about for the love of it, knowing that perhaps if I am lucky something might come of it, but that I shouldn’t count on it, and that I should just be grateful for what I have.

It is time to put away childish things, and get down to the business of living and trying to do it without being a shit person. In order to do that I think I have to take option c. The problem is that I am much more prone to be an a & b combo, but I can’t anymore. It’s time to change. It’s time to grow up.

The thing is, I’m not depressed. I’m determined. Determined to accept that there are things in this world that I cannot change and it is up to me to enjoy my life despite those things. I’m done with my 1st-world problems and my whining. I live a decently mediocre life and that is a lot more than so many people are given even the chance at.

So this is my farewell to childhood, my goodbye to the version of me that I have held in my mind since I was 16. That girl is gone.

Hello adulthood. Hello reality.

I’m here.

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One thought on “Zen.

  1. Great post, D! But keep watching for your opportunities– sometimes they are disguised. I think of Phil Keaggy’s great song, “Disappointment, His Appointment.”

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