Jesus Hearts Healthcare


So I have been thinking. (Yes, yes dangerous I know!)

What have I been thinking about? You might wonder. I have been thinking about how to get healthcare reform legislation passed in this country. No big deal, really.

Obviously, if you have been paying attention to the news you know that the main problem is a very loud, very conservative minority. Turns out all the rational people gave up caveman-like behaviors somewhere around the time the species started walking upright, but a few stragglers have held on through interbreeding with the drunk and stupid to create a hybrid race of humanoids now commonly referred today as the “Republican Right-Wing”

Since we can’t kill em, and we can’t keep them from procreating I suggest using our higher intelligence to trick them into supporting healthcare. How can this be done? The answer lies in the observation of the group itself. Ask yourself this, what do Republicans like more than guns and abstinence education? (Barring celibacy enforced by guns, of course) the answer is Jesus (isn’t it always?)

We are fooling ourselves if we think that religion does not enforce public policy on a daily basis in this country, but where as “Conservative Christians” see it as an ends, I advocate it as a means to an end, a tool, used by logic and strategy to achieve a goal for the betterment of our country. Lets put that well-ingrained Puritan guilt to good use people!jesusheartspublicoption

So here is what I propose. Why not depolarize the issue by tying healthcare to Christian morals? That whole “Love thy neighbor” thing sounds catchy.

Or how about

“WWJD…About healthcare?”

SUPPORT IT!

and

Jesus ❤ healthy living. Support a public option.

It may not be the most sophisticated strategy, the most ethical, or even constitutionally viable, but sometimes you just have to fight fire with fire. Hellfire, that is.

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7 thoughts on “Jesus Hearts Healthcare

  1. Hellfire, girl, I’m speechless! Being a conservative Christian right-wing Republican, that is. Too drunk, in-bred, and stupid to know how to respond, I guess. Hmmm… what’s the matter with kids these days? A brain is a dangerous thing to use.

  2. Daddy I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being a Christian or being conservative. To each his or her own. And I never said “in-bred,” if you will read again you will notice I wrote IntERbreeding, not intRAbreeding.

    The point I was trying to make (satirically)is that the people making the most noise are a very, very small subgroup of the Conservative party who wield religion as a weapon of fear and dissension. I would never classify you as extremely right-wing, though you are conservative. Extreme anything does not belong in governmental policy. The problem is not conservatism or religion. The problem is that they have become synonyms.

    We have an obligation to our constitution to use rationality and ethics when it comes to the laws of the land, NOT epistemology and morals.

    People are most often loudest when they have no logical arguments left. To me bringing a gun to a town meeting or yelling at the President shows me that the words have run out and now aggression is a last resort.

  3. Ha ha, made you blink! But, yes, my favorite seminary professor, Dr. Barnard, often reminded us that when preachers start shoutinn there is usually an increase of heat but a decrese of light. Still true for EVERYBODY.

  4. Considering i’m part of this hybrid race of humanoids spawned from the interbreeding of drunks and idiots to form what is now known as “republican right-wing”, I have to say that I am a little upset that “tricking” us with a religious figure is the best you could come up with.

    Granted, this was your attempt at well written satire. Hopefully not your best attempt, but you work with what you’ve got.

    Now instead of attempting to pass an almost 900 billion dollar health care bill that expands coverage (and by expands coverage, i mean forcing way more people to get covered, and fining them if they do not), what BOTH parties need to be doing is regulating how much pharmaceutical companies charge for their over-priced, under-tested, and mass-produced medicines. If someone would put a cap on the ridiculous amounts of markup they use, their ability to rape hospitals and doctors’ offices up the rear would severly lessen. Not to mention how costs of health care itself would lessen, in turn lessening america’s dependency (and need for handouts) on so much health coverage in the first place. But if I was to generalize, as you did about republicans by saying “People are most often loudest when they have no logical arguments left. To me bringing a gun to a town meeting or yelling at the President shows me that the words have run out and now aggression is a last resort” , I would say that democrats just adore dependency on the government for everything.

    Then again, i’m just a Republican, and seeing as my words of “run out” and aggression is all I have left, what would i know eh?

  5. “Then again, i’m just a Republican, and seeing as my words of “run out” and aggression is all I have left, what would i know eh?”

    Well, you said it.

    And by the way,

    1. I’m not a democrat. Nor do I blindly support any bill that says “healthcare” on it, the way you seem to imply.

    2. I completely agree about pharmaceutical companies being greedy profiteers, hopefully with a public option the prices will be negotiated down far more than would otherwise be possible.

    3. “tricking” groups (not individuals) with a religious figure is a) satire “hopefully not your best attempt” b) been a proven method for centuries c) meant to aggravate aggressive blog bombers such as yourself or d) all of the above ….Hint: it’s D.

    4.”But you work with what you’ve got.” Yep. Just like Horace, Swift, More, Erasmus, Franklin, Twain,….Shall I go on?

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