You were the culprit (you wore the gun)


I am getting sick. I took an airborne this morning so maybe it will nip it in the bud, but maybe a little cold will do me a lot of good. When I am sick I sleep. I realized last night for the first time, while feeling sullen and low on the way back from wal-mart (at 1AM) that I should sleep a little more. I always get to feeling so depressed and agnst, and I thought for a long time that there is something really really wrong with me, and although I have my issues to be sure, a lot of what I need is sleep. I realized this when after a pretty much great day I was milling around Arkadelphia (at 1AM) feeling sorry for myself and feeling like everything in my life was wrong. It occured to me to stop and think for a moment about what was going on inside my head. I literally stopped in the isle at walmart and tried to seperate the reality of the situation from what I was FEELING. I realized there is a HUGE discrepencey. I finally saw that if it were not me, but a friend who was thinking all these self indulgent angst thoughts at 1AM after a busy day (started at 6:15AM and didnt let up) I would tell her to go home, take a tylonol and go to bed. I was shocked. Suddenly patterns started to emerge. Yes I am less than happy about being here in Arkadelphia, that isn’t just mood, but a lot of me being just plain less than happy in general is! Averaging 4 hoursof sleep a night and then being literally on the run from 8AM-12PM every day is bound to take it’s toll. I tend to only get really sad at night when I am at home or by myself, when I am coming down. So now I don’t think i will panic so much when I am feeling low. I think I will be better about seperating the moment from the day from now on.
If you ask me that is a pretty good way to start spring break!

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One thought on “You were the culprit (you wore the gun)

  1. now you know why docs used to say take a tylenol and call me in the morning. life just looks better after sleep. love the blog and so proud of you! jemimah

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